I agree with the both of you, and try to think in terms "regular" and "irregular" grammar instead. The lesson here is that grammar is a fluid concept that simply describes the order and structure of language. Like you've said, based on the given rhetorical situation, communication will fall somewhere on the spectrum between regular and irregular structures. This might affect things as basic as spelling and as complex as sentence structure.
I also find myself very sensitive lately to the idea that grammar and "whiteness" are some how inextricably linked. You might check out this essay in which the argument is broached -- though, annoyingly, it also tries to paint "nerd" culture as a uniquely white construct. As a nerd of color, I'm just not into that.
Can Geekiness be Decoupled from Whiteness?
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